I am wondering if all the future talk last night scared you even one little bit. It scares the bejeezes out of me (whatever that is). At one point you were like, "um, it's been 4 months." lol. I didn't really mean for it to get all "futury" I was just verbalizing this nervous energy about being in love with you and what that means. I wish I was just so patient to let it be and let it unfold as it will. That's so dreamy don't you think?
That's probably not the way it's going to be though - because I'm not wired that way...and I don't do nearly enough yoga, or any yoga at all for that matter.
But here's what I want to work on - and maybe you can help if I get off track. I want to recognize the unknown between us not as anxiety but as something wonderful and exciting. I don't want to predetermine the destination. I think maybe because we both seem to be planner type people, we might even have to try to be a little reckless. I'll help you if you help me, deal?
Oh, I've been thinking about it (and getting scared on my own).
ReplyDeleteThe realization that I had was that we don't really have any choice but to let things unfold. That sounds kind of harsh, but I don't mean it to be, and I think it's a good thing. I think we've both had relationships (I know I have) where it's easy to just move in, or spend more time together. Having it be a challenge makes it more rewarding. It's like the conversation we had about money. Sure, I could have been more responsible with it when I was married, but I didn't have to be. Now that I do, I feel better about it (even though I have less of it!).
I guess what I'm saying is that up until recently, I didn't think I was wired that way either. I still have a ton of my planner tendencies, but I feel like I appreciated the rest of the world more.
I think we have a pretty special connection. And I'm willing to see what this adventure holds, try to focus on the excitement instead of the anxiety, and enjoy loving the heck out of you.
I'd love to say that I'm ready to lead us into recklessness (is that even a word?). But I'll need some help with that too. So yes, it's a deal. I will help you if you help me.
This gave me chill bumps. I love you. OK - we'll have to develop some sort of secret hand shake tomorrow to make it official.
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